…and I love my fear. 

For most of my life, I unconsciously fostered a relationship with my fear – hiding behind masks, not speaking up, people-pleasing, and numbing out with substances, relationships, productivity, fixing myself, food, dissociation and more— to avoid my fear of being rejected and alone. I hid my true essence, adapting to be someone I was not. So often I found myself frozen, saying no to most of the real desires that arose in me to create and connect. This all led me to the experience of feeling lost and empty inside, again and again.

Finally, when I got to the point that I did not know who I was or if I existed anymore, I knew it was time to break the cycle once and for all. It was time to embark on a journey to truly uncover and unfold my Being.

As I now walk this path, I keep finding that I know less and less about what I thought I am or should be, and enter deeper into the unknown territory of discovering what it is to participate in life as I am, in every here and now.

The school of life has so far taught me a lot, from:

• following the linear life plan of going to school at Colgate University, then having a professional career in New York City, then a life partner, house, car, and pet

• changing jobs, industries (from the visual arts to real estate and architecture to technology to healing and transformational arts), cities, and haircuts many times

• romantically relating with different partners, sexes, agreements, and depths

• exploring various therapies for anxiety, depression, addiction, self-abandonment, and codependency

• leading teams and founding companies in my professional work life

• retiring from “working” and entering into a life of practice and passionate service

• traveling around the world alone and with other humans, immersing myself in cultures different from what I grew up in, such as the grand melting pot of the threads of arts and spirituality across northern India, the Wayúu indigenous people living in the beautiful yet harshly elemental conditions of La Guajira, Colombia, the ecovillages woven into the jungles of Brazil, the Shibipo plant medicine lineage in Peru, the clash of modern western spirituality and Mayan traditions throughout Guatemala, and the creative and conscious sexuality community in Germany

• participating in authentic adulthood initiations and practitioner trainings in transformational and healing modalities (see them listed to the side / below)

• experientially researching living in community

• working with sacred plant medicines

• expanding to a fuller expression of my sexuality

• leaving everything behind to live out of a backpack twice (currently living out the second time I chose this)

• holding space for hundreds of people for their emotional, energetic, physical, mental, and spiritual healing and evolution

All of these lived experiences have supported me to build a conscious relationship with fear, which is an ongoing practice.

Fear is not a design error. It exists for a purpose.

Instead of fear being something to be avoided, I’ve learned to use fear as my compass. It points me exactly where I need to go next.

I dance inside the fires of transformation, in an ongoing process of unlearning, dying, rebirthing, and experimenting with the new life I feed myself with the ashes created through these cycles.

I’ve trained to cut myself, others, and organizations, open – emotionally and energetically – with my clarity and ability to see the collection of parts that make up the whole, AND that thing behind the thing; the essence that is blocked by layers built up from years of unconscious fears, numbed feelings, unspoken words, and abandoned desires.

With a unique combination of precision and spaciousness, I hold space for people and projects to enter into powerful inner excavation processes where they navigate below the surface to that which most wants to be expressed.

I maintain the pressure of the container with patience so the hidden diamond within can be refined and exposed to shine brilliantly.

I am in awe of and grateful for my personal journey of healing and transformation, and my vast and varied life, organizational and leadership experience. Both have fostered in me a deep love for holding space for people and organizations to transition into more alive, aligned, and authentic expressions of their true nature.

And this isn’t just about me or you. Living your true nature is about life on this planet. Life on this planet is ALIVE. If you are not feeling, you are not alive — you are numb. If you are numb, you are out of touch with how removed and separate human beings have made themselves from planet Earth. This has led to the mindless killing of this home we are part of for our convenience, success, status, and power. Choosing to become human again is about you, your relations and projects supporting life-affirming, regenerative consequences for Earth.

You in?